Dear You, You fucked me up. You fucked up my life. You said that you were going to and i should have fucking listened to you. I should have ended it the second you told me that you were going to end up fucking up my life, but I didn't. Mistake number one on my part. You don't get what you did to me and how you fucked me up. I can't trust anyone. I don't believe things people tell me. And I never feel loved. I never feel liked. I hurt all the time and I realized that it's because of you. I fucking hate you. I want to hurt you. I tried to make you feel loved and you didn't want it. I tried to show you what respect was, but I didn't get it. I didn't stay with you because I liked you, I stayed out of spite. I didn't want to give up on you like everyone else has. I didn't want to hurt you like everyone else has. But how fucking dare you hurt me like that. My feelings aren't for you to toy with. They're mine and its so hard for me to keep them from getting hurt even when I keep you OUT of my life. How dare you wear his sweatshirt in front of me. It's like I'm getting better until you rip the fucking floor out from underneath me. I'm not okay. You made me not okay. I'll never fucking forgive you. You made me not trust it when people say the same things you said to me. How do I know that you didn't lie to me from day one, you lying stupid bitch? How do I know you EVER liked me? How can I feel beautiful after you called me beautiful. Fuck, you never called me beautiful. YOu just critized my body. And how I eat. You made me feel uncomfortable eating in front of people. Especially people I like. You made me feel fat at a time I felt good. You brought me down, and I can't come back up. Fuck you. You are a stupid cunt and I fucking hate you. Thank you for fucking up my life. Sincerly, Me
Jesus Christ, I know that its a tragedy when GEORGE BUSH's speech has made me cry.
Today was so surreal. I didn't see that many teens give a shit about today. I didn't want to go to school today. I wanted to be at ground zero. I was there last year and I wanted to go again. But we had school. And when I came to school this morning, I thought that there would have been solemn kids. Worried kids. Sad kids. I saw nothing of the sort. So I didn't want to show that I was hurting from today. A lot of people asked me why I had that bandana today. I needed something to make me feel like I was part of this country. Then they were like "Oh wait. Isn't today Sept. 11th?" How could someone be so oblivious as to not know. I'm feeling a lot of stuff right now. But its too much for a journal entry.
God bless and thanks to all the heroes from that day and the aftermath of that day.
Camp is officially over. It's so fucking sad. This was the best summer ever. -Ice cream lasagna -Vag wolves -saran wrap -"come to my bosom" -helmets -hawthorne heights -potatoes -deertarded -"we are CITs and we eat. HUH!" -"whats that?" "a paper birch." "hey guys, thats a paper birch tree" -scatteragories -bagels -sloppywaffles -funyaking into il sunset -brownies in funyaks -my bruises -torrential downpour canoeing -elbow tag -"there are two muffin's in an oven. one muffin says to the other 'hey, its really hot in here' and the other muffin says 'AHHHH!!! a talking muffin!'"
oh man, there are soooo many more. but i can't think of them all. i'm really glad that i got to spend this summer with some great people. i'm finally a counselor. a lot happened at camp which has altered me and i truely think i am a more mature person than i was at the start of the summer. and i'm finally accepted. if they close camp next year, i will protest. seriously.
BACKDOOR!!!!! This Friday (Aug. 4th) BIGGEST SHOW OF THE YEAR!!! 2-stage show
BANDS PLAYING Hello Nurse The Tattles Tales Bangin' On A Trash Can Angela Baker The Starkillers Sleep Bellum Sonno The Naked Citizens Watch It Die (5FI...with a name change) Third Wave Bandits Tae Kwon Don't Green Eyes Scream Lies Digame 3 Monkeys Named Bob Fikus
Show starts at 5:45 and should be over with by 10:45 $4 suggested donation
NO SMOKING, DRINKING, DRUG DOING/SELLING, or MOSHING
It would be amazing if ALL of you could come this friday. It's the biggest Backdoor show of the year and there are so many amazing bands playing. Also, after this...Hello Nurse, The Tattles Tales, and Watch It Die(5FI) can't play here again for another 5 months...and that's before we even think about the new bands that have to play. Why give up this AMAZING opportunity to see all at once? Also, I'm working SECURITY so thats pretty beast as well. If you miss this concert, you will regret it so much and you will not know what you are missing out on.
P.S: you know its a BIG MOTHERFUCKING deal when I'm leaving my VERY LAST DAY of camp at an hour and 45 minutes early. I NEVER would do that...but I am. Cause this show is just THAT big of a deal.
SO PLEASE COME GUYS. IT WOULD MEAN SOOOO MUCH TO ME!!!!
hey so ms angela litz came over last nite. twas muchos fun. we watched blair witch project and saw and sisterhood of the traveling pants and slept and laughed. and i laughed and got excited too much a couple times and had a coughing fit. it was funny. we also took skank pictures. tht was funny too. im tired. i wanna sleep. i should sleep. and eat. and do laundry. hey guess what, today is only saturday, we have one more day w/o skewl after this...YAY!
hey so i am gunna strt this entry off good lol. i think...i might.....im not positive yet.....like someone. yea, i think i do lol. but idk. not sure yet if i'm gunna go for him or not. hmmm. yeea. ok well....i jus got home from skewl (FINALLY!). it was a busy day. i had interact which i missed so tht i could go to GSA where a lady from CANDLE came and talked to us and tht was kewl. tht club always makes me feel sum empowerment going on lol. thn i ran down to academic league which i got 5 points for my team in the bonus :). and i was congratulated on tht. thn i went to yogis and cvs for food. thn hung out in my mom's room while these mexican cleaners came in when my sis was getting changed. thn i hung out sum more and did hw. thn i went the retarded national honors induction for my sis. i was saved by anais <3 and we chillaxed in the back row and i made fun of people and we talked...about sum hotties. and thn we ate food..well...anais ate and i watched lol. i did attempt a powder doughnut...but she ate tht too lol. now i am home and really tired. and i have to stay after 2morrow for my mom's x-tra help. so. yea. o, anais, i found out tht jon took off rite after the cermony to study for my mom's statistics test...little does he know tht she postponed it and was gunna tell him but he left lol. and i got to hang out with the short red head who isnt me for like .0005 sec while my mom talked to him. god i love them...not as much as i love you(you meaning anais...not the rest of you all...tht prt comes at the end). so yea. thts about it for now. i sleepy. i go night night.
hey not much to say. im exausted so im going to sleep early 2nite. i just have to do index cards for ela and thts it. i kinda dnt wanna go 2 skewl 2morrow only b/c i have to get all dressed up for band pictures >_< oh well, i'll suck it up :). so im listening to music and im realizing its making me tired so yea. i really dont have anything to say really. i mean, ya shit happened 2day, but u all already kno about it so wats the point? lol. so yea. um...my mom finally ordered the tickets for me, her, my sis, and bob. we are going 2morrow nite @ 7:45. just out of curiousity, who is going and when? and if you dnt kno wat im talking about, you obviously arent going lol. im really excited. i wanted to go to the midnight showing 2nite but my mommy said no >_< oh well lol. ok thts it i guess i love you ♥ALLY
worst luck ever....i have....PINK EYE...AGAIN.....3rd time this summer but now it is in my left eye :( so...yea. i am getting a manicure today and a pedicure and my hair cut so yea
So today i read ALL day. i seriously mean....ALL day. i woke up @ 12:00 and started reading at 12:15. i finished the book @ 8:00. i was reading harry potter and the order of the pheonix to refresh my memory seeing how the sixth book comes out on the 16th. i was on around pg 250 yesterday morning and like 300 this morning and i read from pg 300-870. tht was a MAJOR accomplishment to me. now i have like 3 other books i have to read until i can get my hands on the 6th h.p book (after my sis reads it). then i read that book....and if time....read anything else i want. so ive spent an entire day not eating and just reading and ive been listening to my ipod all the while. so..i've got to find sumtin productive for tomorrow....but not friday because...I'M GOING TO A YANKEE GAME!!! i'm excited.....it's my first.....it's gunna be GREAT!!! ok...im done
You are a klutz. You don't have a really good balance.^_^; You have a really bright attitude and like to party. You see past the all the looks on people because since your not perfect you don't see why you should judge others that way.
well...2day sucked as usual....i was bored as hell....more people fightin...but i dnt really mind that...people doin crazy shiz..u kno who u r.....half days of skewl suck b/c i c alexa n kate n like no otha friends....does ny1 wanna walk to wally's after skewl 2morrow??.....havent talked to david since friday nite :( didnt c him in skewl 2day either...was he even there 2day?..people goin through rough times but im too far 4 anybody to fricken communicate w/ me!! (do u guys get how pissed off i am)...well....im hungry...wanna talk to sum1 ny1 but nobody is on who is worth pourin out nonsense to...summa is like here....while that is totally kewl....it totally sux 2 b/c i kno ill hardly c any of u n then knowin my luck...nun of u will b in my classes nxt yr so....wat can i say....the boredom has takin ova....i wanted to do sumtin 2day...but i couldnt....mayb 2morrow...possibly....hey...i have an idea (jus ramblin @ this point)..i should have a few people cum home w/ me 2morrow n we can study 4 the fricken regents (i kno i havent started yet...) n we can chill by my pool...hell...we can do both @ the same time!! but i should get clearance from my mum for this p4 i officially invite ny1 ova....u also need to kno wat time the prtys on friday strt...anybody kno?? well...jus tell me....ok....cum online people...PLEASE!! ok..im done ramblin....but comment me on sumtin....idc wat...jus do it....
im so tried tht its funny HA!
im soo HUNGRY!!!
w/e this means
ugh...bored